Pondering Pride and Ego

Dec 21, 2024

So I’ve been thinking a lot about pride and ego lately…

In an attempt to define them beyond what a standard Webster’s definition can give you.

As I was growing older, I found myself searching for the pillars by which I would choose to live. And no matter how often I returned to the question, ego and empathy continued to rise to the surface. How and why can ego and empathy exist together? How can a person be deeply aware of others, deeply affected by others, and still have a strong enough sense of self to move through the world without being swallowed by it?

But that is a separate writing…

In order to better get to that answer, I first needed to understand the difference between pride and ego.

I’ve noticed that pride is a force that exists only in the present and in the past. Pride is a reference to the things that were made, the things that were done, the things that were survived, or the things that were once able to be proven. And in that way, a person can’t really be proud of their future.

They can be hopeful for it.

They can be driven toward it.

They can believe in it.

They can prepare for it.

But they cannot be proud of it yet, because pride needs evidence. Pride needs something that has already happened. Pride needs a memory, a result, a wound, a trophy, a finished thing.

Pride is evidence based and ego is direction based...

Pride’s only real forward-facing trait is its ability to inform ego. It can remind a person of what they have done, what they are capable of, and what they have survived before. But because of this, I must say that pride can only be fleeting. It is a finite emotion. It lacks solidity. It can hold the self for a moment, but it cannot carry it forever.

Ego is different.

Ego is one’s sense of identity. One’s sense of self. Pride may inform ego, but in a stable individual, pride should only manifest as a very small facet of ego, because an ego built entirely upon a foundation of pride is shallow at best. It is too dependent on what has already happened.

And an ego built only on pride has to keep being fed evidence.

But ego, is how a person defines the self they are in the moment, in reference to the self they will be in the future. And in that way, ego is a driving force. One that is integral to achieving one’s beliefs and goals.

Because without ego, without some sense of self, without some belief that the self is worth becoming, what would move a person forward? What would make them protect their dreams? What would make them build? What would make them endure embarrassment? What would make them keep choosing the harder version of their life?

It is the thing that holds the self together. It is the structure that says, “This is who I am. This is what I am moving toward. This is what I will not abandon inside of myself.”

So I do not believe ego is inherently negative.

Ego is simply a vessel for the things one chooses to allow to drive them forward, and for the foundational principles they choose to build themselves upon.

Pride remembers what I have done.

Ego protects who I am becoming.

Or at least, that is where I have settled for now.